Using my Anger...

I have been completely reticent in my blogging due to my inability to stop shoving carb filled treats into my mouth. I am wracked with guilt and although I have not weighed myself, I am fairly certain that any progress I made a couple of weeks ago has disappeared. Its like the self-sacrifice never happened. I have eaten garlic bread, pizza, pasta, chicken nuggets, mcdonalds fries and chocolate in such excess that one would think I have an extra camel- like stomach where I am hoarding food for the winter (or this century's great depression - take your pick).

I feel AWFUL. There are no words to describe the guilt and anger I feel. I think I have hit rock bottom. There is no where else to go but up. With new, steel-like determination, I have made a promise to myself and to you, my steadfast supporters, that I will not fail again. It is NOT an option. If I am ever going to be happy with the way I look and the way I feel fitness-wise, I need to grow some gumption and willpower. I need to learn that food is not a comfort for stress. It may feel GREAT short-term but then when you get on the scale, the stress triples with the additional weight. My self-confidence plummets and I feel so lost again. Its depressing, disheartening and worst of all self destructive because not only am I decimating my self-esteem, I am actively destroying my health and well-being. I am done. Done feeling like a pretty girl trapped in a tub of lard. I am tired of being lazy. I am tired of feeling like this is who I am. Its NOT. I am better than this. I need to stop making excuses and just hit the ground running. I need to do this for ME. I have placed myself back at square 1. Nothing will get in my way now. Its GO time...